Location, Location

The issue of location came up in one of my earlier posts. Actually it is two issues - the location for meeting somebody new when setting up an assignation, and the location of the assignation itself. Neither is as straightforward as you might think.

Typically if you're meeting a stranger for sex you want to check them out ahead of time, both for safety and for compatibility. Yes, that's even true for guys like me who don't generally have much to fear in terms of physical safety. Believe it or not I am concerned about meeting psychos and women with whom there is no chemistry. I've run into a bit of both, though never really had a bad experience at least partly through good planning, or so I would like to think. Maybe I've just been lucky.

But back to location. If you're meeting somebody to talk about hot robot monkey sex you generally want privacy. At the same time if the person is a stranger you want a public location for safety and all around peace of mind. You would think that women would be really concerned about meeting in a public place, but surprisingly some are somewhat oblivious about that. I always worry about those.

So what works and what doesn't for those pre-assignation meetings?

In general cafes and Starbucks (which deserves a category all by itself) are the absolutely worst places for such meetings. They are typically small and either have people sitting practically in your lap at other tables, or there's one person in the joint who has the benefit of a nice quiet room to listen in on your conversation about the charms of buttfucking. They also have lots of caffeine which is absolutely the last thing that an already nervous person should be ingesting while trying to make a good seductive impression. There are exceptions. For example, a large cafe at a time of day when it's mostly deserted, say between lunch-time and rush-hour. You can go off in a corner or maybe some outside table and pretty much talk in private without being bothered.

The other stereotypically popular meeting choice is a bar. Bars suffer from the same problem as cafes during popular times of day, lack of privacy. But they are not entirely hopeless, because if they are large and the crowd is sparse chances are you can find some booth or table off in a corner and get some privacy. They do have the advantage of offering alcohol, which is quite effective at making people more relaxed and sociable. Despite this I'm not crazy about bars (with one exception given below). The ambiance is just all wrong. Meeting in one does not give a good first impression. Also, maybe it's just the kind of women that I attract, but most of them are emphatically not into the bar scene, much like myself.

So what's left? What provides both a public venue and some measure of privacy?

Surprisingly I've had good luck with large hotels. Either the lobby or, yes, the hotel bar. Major hotels like the Hilton in San Francisco or the Fairmont in San Jose are perfect for such meetings. Plenty of space to find a private seat, ambient noise to mask your conversation, a chance to order an elegant drink. The bars tend to be large and empty, the lobby sprawling with comfortable seats, the locations convenient. As an added bonus the crowd is generally nicely dressed and makes for good people watching while you're waiting, or for that matter while making conversation with your date. There's a modest hint of international intrigue to such meetings, or at least it's fun to imagine so.

Public outdoor locations are also quite effective, at least when the weather is good. A nice plaza, like the Embarcadero in San Francisco, or a nice public park like the Bandshell in Golden Gate Park. Plenty of places to sit or to wonder off on a walk in full view of a lot of people with full privacy for an intimate conversation. Safe and convenient.

The other surprising venue which is oddly effective is the funky burger joint. You know the kind, large dim space with wooden booths, maybe with carved initials in the tables, serving plain but good burgers and beer. The places are seldom crowded other then at specific times of the day/week, the booths offer plenty of privacy, the beer offers an effective social lubricant and you can always get a good piece of meat if the date doesn't work out. Ahem. I know of several in the South Bay and have had good luck arranging relaxed meet-and-greet sessions in them. Not as formal as the large hotels, which can be an advantage sometimes.

But what of actual venues for sex? That presents its own set of problems and is really a topic for another post.